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Mention bondage, dominatrix, whips, chains, submission, flogging etc; and 9 times out of 10 you will be met with either a wink of the eye, an awkward giggle or even expressions of disgust and dismissal. BDSM has long since been a “taboo” subject, associated with porn, pain, and the darker side of sex.
50 Shades of Grey did a lot to bring BDSM into the public spotlight; and while pop culture is important in demystifying things otherwise unspoken of and unseen; it is important to me that in the case of BDSM, the lines of reality are clear for those seeking my help.
BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage, and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism
Each term may sound scary in itself, but here’s the thing….
BDSM IS BUILT ON TRUST, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT
At no point should BDSM make you fearful of your safety or make you feel like you are doing something that is out of your realm of control.
The role of a submissive (Sub) is to be on the receiving end of the dominant (Dom); this may mean many different things. It could be that the Dom “allows” the Sub to wear only certain clothing; it could be that the Dom flogs the Sub; to make the point, BDSM is about a power play between Sub and Dom.
The secret is this: it is the Sub who is actually in control. It is the Sub who decides what is and is not within their comfort zone; and the Dom has a duty to the Sub to respect that.
Let’s be clear here; it is not BDSM if:
1. Someone is taking advantage of you
2. Someone is doing anything that makes you afraid
3. Someone coerces you into doing something you have not consented to it
4. You do not trust that person
5. You have not communicated and agreed clear rules of play
6. You do not enjoy doing it
In my line of work, I get to see the power of sexual energy. Both the good and the bad energy.
BDSM is a tool to harness the good energy of sexuality. It is built on the fundamental truth that a healthy relationship requires TRUST, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, CONSENT.
The power dynamic between partners exploring BDSM can change and so can the boundaries depending on each individuals’ expectations and comfort levels; but the fundamentals of BDSM do not change.
· The vulnerability and intimacy experienced during BDSM will strengthen the bond between partners.
· Communicating openly and having your needs met, builds self-confidence.
· Setting boundaries, limits and safe words, allows for real expectations to be met
· Confirming consent creates safety and security between partners
This is what makes it such a wonderful healing tool.