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"Not tonight honey, I have a headache"


Today's topic is LSD Oh calm yourself down - I'm talking about Low Sexual Desire. A pretty straight forward name for a common yet complex problem, the lack of desire for sexual contact or intercourse.

Desire is the want, the thirst for something; not to be confused with arousal. One can be aroused without the desire to have sex (that's a WHOLE other discussion). One can drink water without being thirsty - hmmm I wonder if that is a good analogy? Both men and women suffer from low sexual desire, they battle with not wanting to have sex, not feeling like having sex. The reasons, or root causes of LSD vary greatly. This can make talking about and dealing with it so difficult sometimes.Not wanting to have sex could make someone feel that they are not normal, that there is something wrong with them. Normally people want to have sex - right?

Apparently its normal for men to think about sex 100s of times a day, and women are supposed to dress up in sexy lingerie and seduce their partner - if you believe the old magazine articles and movies of the 90s. This brings me to the question of what is NORMAL? A question I visit often with clients.

Normal can be such a boxy concept in my line of work. In life generally, but especially in the intimacy of our own sexuality there are so many "normal's". I prefer to approach this rather, as what is good for you in your life at this moment vs what is not good for you in your life at this moment. What is working and what is not. As with all things in life, when dealing with Low Sexual Desire, one HAS TO consider the context of the problem. This will help to form a treatment plan. Many factors can contribute to a Low Sexual Desire, these may include one or a combination of the following:

  • An unhealthy lifestyle

  • Natural aging

  • Relationship conflicts

  • Body image issues

  • A history of sexual abuse or coercive sexual relationships

  • An unskilled lover/partner

  • Physical issues which may include hormonal imbalance

  • Traumatic life events

  • Big life changes - like having a baby

  • Certain medications including various antidepressants and others

GOODNESS! It can seem overwhelming. But the good news is that there are options to explore, and once we've found the source, we can work on the solution. There are many things to try on the path to healing this otherwise mysterious affliction.

Often, Low Sexual Desire can affect a relationship when one partner has a stronger desire for sex, than the other. And to be honest, that is usually when I hear about it. Low Sexual Desire is not something to be hidden and mulled upon alone, in the depths of your mind.


Sexual expression is an expression of life. If you are worried about a decrease in or lack of Sexual Desire, reach out.

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